Bad Week? Good Week?

Grief comes in waves — grief reactions can come and go, and the intensity varies considerably.  Just when I feel that things are finally a bit easier, something can unexpectedly trigger a whole new flood of feelings.

Last week was one of those devastated weeks.  Seems like I was surfing in the rough sea on a typhoon day and kept hitting by the raging waves that pulled me down to the bottom of the sea.    Struggling hard to resurface to the top but my legs were chained to a cauldron filled with pain, grief, guilt and sorrow that made it difficult for me to move and kick myself out of the turmoil. 

I am longing for a better week and I know it is just around the corner.  Starting off with an invite from Winnie and Patrick for a yummy home made dinner.  I jumped onto the invitation even though it could be a risky move as there is no reviews on Winnie's Kitchen online as yet but what the heck as it is the thought that counts and that I have not had any decent dinner for a few days already.  I instantly felt the warmth and comfort wrapping around me when walking into their house.  It was a pleasant evening and dinner was surprisingly good.  So good  I did not even have to go get Pepto-Bismol on my way home.  I am already checking my phone and emails for the next invitation to come.  Then it was Dora who dragged me out of my house to have lunch with her and had a drive out to Oakridge Mall.   Thank you friends for showing your concerns and care.   It does mean lots to me knowing I am not alone.

Friends knowing me long enough do understand I am not the type who will take the initative to call anyone either just to say hi or to get together.  It is not that I do not care about my friends but it is just not me.  I have never been a leader and am always a good follower.  Now my lead is gone, who am I going to follow?

As quoted always, "Walk Before You Leap".  I guess it may be time for me to start making baby steps to get out of my secret retreat.  However, knowing is one thing, doing it is the other.  I know it is not going to be easy but I hope I can do it.  I know Terry wants me to do the same too.