From 'WE' To 'I'

 

One Year Later.....

 

I have to finally admit Terry did leave me for good.  It was a year two days ago.  It has definitely been a heartbreaking and devastating one year for me in particular changing the sentence structure from 'we' to 'I'.

 

I had my birthday last month and was like 'oh, no more birthday gift from Terry ever again'.  It was not the gift that I was missing.  Hmm.... on second thought, I should rephrase it to "It might not be.....".  Actually, it was his physical presence that I miss most dearly.  I am still holding onto the last birthday present I got from him, an beautiful Orchid plant. I have been hoping a new spike will grow every year so that I can still have a gift from him year after year.   Isn't that great?  But so far, the orchid has been pretty quiet in its own form.  I am not rushing it and am sure Terry will do something about it in his own way.

 

So, what's next for me?  Time to turn a new page in life?  Time to walk out of grief and move on?

I know grief does not have a timeline and grieving is a natural process that occurs over and over in our lives in reaction to a multitude of events.  However, I also know living in grief all the time is not healthy and will just keep pulling me down.   Last month with the one year anniversary approaching, I have chosen to be proactive and started taking baby steps to walk out of the sorrow one day at a time.  First, I registered in a Korean language class and then I joined a church small group.  I am happy I did make the move as I do get to meet some very nice Christian couples from the small group.  Though, I am still trying to accept God's master plan on me.  However, I am not too sure about the Korean class as it seems to leave me with more stress than I want after each class and hovering over me throughout the week till the next class and it goes on and on.  Maybe next time I should just enroll in a cooking class instead.  But this brings out the competitive streak in me, I am up to the challenge.  Not before long, I may even pretend myself to be a Korean in Vancouver.

Usually "Living Happily Ever After" is the ending phrase for a fairy tale or a Disney movie,.  After a year of full time griefing and eluding, I finally woke up and realized: if I really want this fairy tale ending, I have to create it myself...  but I need to create not just a happy ending, but also how to be happy now and in my own way.  It is not easy but I am doing it....
 

 

 

Don’t ever stop believing in your power to write your own story. You’re holding the pen. You’re in charge of your story—the beginning, the middle, and the happy ending - Dani DiPirro