Final Gifts

This book is introduced to me by Tina whose neighbour works as a Palliative Care Nurse in White Rock Hospital.   After Terry was gone, Tina ran into her one day and asked her if patients know what is going on and understand what is being said when they have lost consciousness while approaching the final stage of life.   The answer is yes, they do. It is just that they no longer have the energy to respond but they can hear and understand.

Broken clips of Terry's last hours on earth keep flashing back in my mind.   If I had known, I could have done so much more and said so much more to him while he was in sedation. I could have told him how happy and lucky I have been for knowing him and having him as my partner for almost 8 years.  I could have assured him this separation could only make our hearts grow fonder and we would be seeing each other again one day in heaven.  I could have told him how much I really love him as being a Chinese, I did not usually open up myself in expressing and saying "I Love You" to him as often as he did to me.  

I had the book for a week and was avoiding it.  Am I ready for some truthful facts about life nearing death?  Finally I decided to give it a try.   I have to put it down after turning the book page only twice.  Tears just kept flowing down my face and my fingers were like lead when turning the page. 

I have always been told "Time Will Heal" but how come I am actually getting worse as each day crawls by and seems like I am falling deeper and deeper into a bottomless black hole.  My heart is aching more as time clicks on and the pain is building up like wood ashes in the fireplace.  Seems like no matter how strong the wind blows, it is still leaving behind traces of fallen leaves from previous years in your yard.  Will the reservoir of tears ever dry up?   How can you walk out of this darkness when you are so buried deep with guilt, sorrow, grief and anger?

Though the book is light, my heart is terribly heavy as if a 100 ton ship anchor is tying around it. I know I am not ready for it yet.  However, I would like to recommend this book to everyone who is mature enough to understand what death is and knowing it is unavoidable and inevitable when you are getting to that stage in life where "RIP" becomes a common term to use in your social networking platforms.  Getting to know some useful facts before you find yourself submerging in a whirlpool of chaos as you may not have the time or may become too distraught to think of other things when being hit with the sad news one day.  Have no regrets like me!

"It should really be a required read by everyone on earth so we know how we can help and support each other during that very special and unique time" - Tina